Life

I am glad I am growing up. I thought growing up stopped at 18 because you were an "adult" at 18. Ha! What a joke. At 18 you think you know everything and think you are invincible...and around 23-25 you realize that you can break and that maybe your parents aren't idiots and maybe they actually do know a thing or two. I was so niaeve that I wouldn't say things to my mom because I didn't think she understood. Like (sadly this is my only example and I don't want to lose this flow) like 'my mom doesn't know there is something called giving head, she's old. How could she have any life experience? She got married and had kids, it's not like she was ever a teenager. My mom was born at like 20.' it's so funny for me to remember how I thought then. It didn't last long. My mom has been my best friend my whole life, except for about 4 years...maybe 5, a relationship she didn't like and teen years. I didn't get like other teens and hate her from like 12-25, some people take it to extremes. It was like a year or so that I just thought everything she did was stupid and that she didn't know anything. From what I have learned since high school I could write a novel or two, and I am not even where my mom was when I thought she was clueless. It's funny because people kinda make their kids think they are stupid, because you shelter your kids and you try not to be vulgar in front of them and they get opinions of their own and they think you are almost slow. Realization is a wonderful thing. I am glad I am not in the dark about this stuff *chuckle*

I think I am hilarious at times. I talked to my 3 best friends right before my birthday and I decided I was going to come out. (my family knew I said I was bi, but I knew I was gay and had to set the record straight, ) you know how I did it? Facebook. Lol. I figured that it would be the easiest way to do it. Of course I had to plan it, so I made the status update that said "Come Put Come Out where ever you are" and something like in case anyone was wondering, I'm Gay ;) and my family (god bless em) being the way they are...my sister commented as long as you're "happy" smart ass. Lol. But I didn't fear my siblings so much. From when I remember, my brother was the most supportive when I said I was bi. He had a girlfriend that was uncomfortable with me because she thought I was going to hit on her or something, and he defended me. I don't remember what he said, but it was the equivalent of, "Dude, that's my sister, lay off." I was more worried about the people I haven't seen in over ten years and will probably never see again. How fucked up is that? I never told my dad, but my mom knows so I know she told my dad. My dad and I don't have the type of relationship where I want to talk about my relationships to him. I am out and proud now. I was so afraid before, and a lot of it is because it's different. Every movie, show and stuffs general layout is guy + girl. I was so afraid of being different that way. Which is weird because I don't mind being an individual. Every woman I have ever loved has almost destroyed me so it's hard to trust again. I have been talking to Becky for about a month and she is moving closer soon so I know I will be able to see her in a few weeks, but I am still nervous. I don't know if I am ready. Maybe I can just be gay and alone. At this point I really don't crave being with anyone. If it doesn't work out with Becky, for the first time in my life, it won't bother me that I'm alone.

Not feeling well and I think I am going to try something. I am feeling worse. I lost my wallet so I can't go out and buy Vernors :(

xoxo