up as usual.

I can always count on you except when you are being a cunt. I really scared myself on Saturday, I was making plans on how people who weren't my family to be the ones to find me. When I heard about Monster's friend and I had never met him but when the Face was talking about the funeral I burst into tears. Life is sacred and I try not to take it for granted, but my mind doesn't always believe me that there are so many things to live for and you just either need help finding something that helps get through life or ways to cope. I have been getting overwhelmed and I was scared, but I was proud that I didn't go into the hospital this time and I was fine the next day, I completed 2 essays and the regular homework. My midterm is on Wednesday and I haven't honestly even studied for it. I usually over stress when it comes to taking tests, I am mid term one of those people who had to read them over to make sure I was doing the important stuff. My last exam like this was easy was part of last semester. I haven't been doing well in the note department and I don't want to be the only one writing notes so I don't even raise my hand. Sometimes I am able stay a little later so that I would be able to find what types of areas that I needed to improve on and thinking about how to understand the material better. I am still pissed off at my group members. If you are going to talk do it at the end of the group work and they don't give a damn and they don't understand what homework is because they ask every class period, "oh we have homework?" well if you would have paid attention before you ran out of the room maybe you would understand the shit she talked to you about before you left was called homework. I think I am incredibly happy that I am able to do my work even though I want to punch my group in the back. The one chick takes charge of every group thing that we do but they end up talking and wasting town and it's hard when you have other things you need to do and everyone in our group are always done last. At least last night we had three things to do on three different  pages, #1-5 in our exercise, I was done in under five minutes and it seemed like they didn't care that we are all getting graded on these things that we are assigned and I don't expect for everyone to tap dance with jazz hands, but actually doing your homework and having it proof read and doing the assignments as they come to you is fucking crazy important and the group doesn't even realize that this is to learn and get a good grade in the end of the course. Well, I have to check my grades and email my CSSK Professor about what I should be doing, because if I have to turn that paper in tomorrow I am going to be pissed because it's not up to my caliber of writing. Up after dawn again so this is probably going to be a useless day in bed that I have to do so much when I was up I just hope I am not late for anything. I have to try and get some sleep. nighty night boggie