*pant*

My dad took the tv that was just sitting and brought it downstairs but as usual even though there was nothing wrong he flipped and spit and said I hate this fucking house. He flips out over NOTHING! I decided to clean up a little bit. Saw one of those evil creepy crawlys and I almost died. I keep having to take breaks because my back can't handle it. I brought a lot of clothes upstairs for the 'rents to look through and I even just texted my mom about it, and it's sad that I had to over think the text and that I had a feeling of dread over it. I hope they get rid of half of it so that I don't have to find a new place to store this shit they are never going to wear again anyway. Leslie contacted me and said that Jeff was dying. I went with my gut and just didn't respond to her. She used me in the end and she just wasn't a good person. I am sorry her life is shit, but she even told me that she is just going to mooch off of the government and has no intention of getting better. I don't want to be stuck in my parents house, in the basement, never getting anywhere. I want things in my life, and never trying isn't an option for me. In group it revolved around me because of my suicidal thoughts and my not sleeping and how that is leading me to get depressed. It was funny because one of the suggestions was warm milk and I found a recipe and made it...then forgot to drink it! lol. I feel bad for wasting food like that, but I hope the next time I can't sleep that it will help. I want to get more tea and honey too. Anything to help me sleep. I am getting sick of not sleeping for 30 hours having 2 regular days and then not sleeping for 28 hours. I was starting to lose my grip on reality. More later bloggy blog