:(

I am getting so mad at myself. Ever since mom went into the hospital, i haven't been waking up in the morning anymore. I was doing my beat and before this all happened I was getting up at 9 and was trying to get up at 8 instead :( I keep setting my alarms and still ignoring them so I have to figure out a way to get up and stay up!

My personal journey paper is due on Monday. I was proud of what I wrote and I am going to go over it again to make sure I did everything the way I wanted. I discussed my depression and how it has affected my life. I'm glad that I had the opportunity to write it because I do eventually want to write a book about my struggles and how it has made me the person I am today and I felt that the paper was a wonderful start even if I only write it for me it's something I am glad I did.

Mom and I have been talking about how we have been feeling about smoking. I haven't had many issues. It's been over a week and I have panicked twice about not having them anymore and wanting one. It's so weird but then again that was a twelve year addiction and it's not something that you can give up overnight and by that I am meaning the routine of what you would usually do to smoke. And I am meaning the habit of what was usually done. Like going outside to smoke after eating, it feels so strange to me that I don't do it anymore and when I go in my car to drive somewhere I roll my window down automatically.

I think I am going to stay up tonight and see Jessica. I haven't hung out with anyone in a long time...