*grumble*

I can't find an obit. of Hank that i bookmarked. it makes me angry. i don't know how to find it and its makin me mad.

i am thinking that i need to find a sperm donor. i don't want to have kids with anyone anymore. i guess i have abandonment issues because of hank and i just think that whoever i would stay with would leave me one way or another so whats the point. i donno. i have a lot of deep seeded issues when it comes to this crap and most of them started with my first boyfriend. they have all scarred me, even up to and including hank. (he's where the abandonment issues stemmed) i just don't see a point in trying to be with people anymore. i change whenever i get into a relationship and it isn't for the better. i don't like the person i become. i don't even know why do this. it doesn't seem conscious. *shrug*

i am back on meds again. i don't really think that i did it for the right reasons. i didn't really do it ....on second thought i didn't do it because i wanted to. it was more to make everyone around me happy. i don't like when i am on my meds but i don't like the depression that follows the mania either. and mania isn't half bad. haha. i would say that. *eye roll*

i have been reading a bunch lately. i am sorta getting back into watching tv again. some things are getting back to normal a little. i guess as much as normal as i can be.

i have a shitty ear infection. thank god i'm on antibiotics. i just hope i don't get a yeast infection.

*grumble* this isn't making me feel any better.

later blog..