My Henri

oh how i miss you today. i keep trying to think of all the things that i want to remember and in some ways i am coming up short.

remember the first time i met you at the house? you were so freaked out i was going to run away screaming when i met you all over your weight. silly hank.

i was going to make a long post but i will just end up getting upset again.

i told mom you would have been a good husband and she said in a way you already were. with all the things we did for each other.

i was going to say more but it's just to hard.

i love you Henri and i always will. i miss you and i always will.

Lonely.

I woke up pretty early today, but it sucks because Mom is at work and Dad is driving Face to Kentucky. I don't like waking up and having no one around. I don't really need for people to keep me company, but I like people around just in the house, then I don't feel alone. Even when people are sleeping I don't feel alone.

the f.b. keeps calling. *shrug*

I am so screwed for money and I don't know what the hell is going on with most things that are going on in my life. I am afraid of everything that is happening, like the money situation, probation, and I have to switch therapists because I can't afford the one I have been seeing for like 10 years. Everything is fucked up. I am so afraid of what could happen and what will happen and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to fix my money situation or my parents. I am just freaking out about everything.

I miss Hank. It's really starting to bum me out that it has been a year.

gotta go Face is on the phone!

I'm going to the party....

And I'm bringing....

an Apple
a Bass guitar
a Cat
a Dyke
an Elephant
Fondu
a Goose
a Hooker
Ice cream
Jack straw
a Klan member
a Leper
a Midget
a Neo-Nazi
Octomom (because I know she puts out)
a Pocket Pussy
a Queen
the Ramones
a Slut
a Transexual
an Ugly chick
a Violinist
a Wench
a Xylophone
You
and
Zeus

1 year...

"...He'd thought about this part, too 'I'll follow after as soon as I can.'"...

I miss you as much today as I did a year ago.

I keep reading these books over and over and it makes me sad when I get to that part and the other one that's a few chapters before...

"...'I don't think he ever planned to outlive you by long,' Alice said quietly.'"...

I did though, I outlived you by a year so far. It hurts that sometimes I wish I could just follow you, so I won't have to be here anymore. Mom was worried about me and I guess she had reason to, it's just odd because I see where she's coming from but I don't think I am as bad as she thinks I am.

I lost the ring I bought that was for you. Well, misplaced is probably a better word but I don't know what the fuck I did with it. Help me out mofo.

God I miss you. I am pretty depressed today.

I think I might save up for the collector's edition of Twilight. It's like $30, but I like the series so I see it as a good buy.

There is so much I want to say, but I can't find words to express how I feel.

I should go. To much going on in my head.

It's been a year, I still miss you, I still love you.

<3 Love Monkey

Ugh.

I am trying to regulate my sleeping schedule so that I am up more during the day instead of sleeping 12-16 hours a day.

I am back on my meds because I was freaking my mom out. I don't like it, but she has enough stress lately and if this is something that will help I guess I can stomach it.

I am going to try to finish my third turn of Breaking Dawn today. I want to start on Breathers today.

I haven't visited Grams in a while, maybe I can go visit her today or tomorrow. I don't know. I am so confused lately.

I should be cleaning and getting my clothes together and looked through. I need to get my shit together for good will.

Sometimes I wish I had a gun. Grr...

I guess I should start cleaning.

later blog.

So...

The anniversary is like a couple days away.

I am feeling a little better, but I am on my meds again so it's...it's sucky because I already feel different and it's already hard to feel emotions.

I wonder if drug stores sell drug tests. Hmm...I should find out.

I can't play WoW anymore. It's all fucked up on my computer. It won't download the patch so I might have to uninstall it and then install it again. Arg.

I keep reading the Twilight saga. It's been keeping me sane. I keep going through it over and over. I really like the story. I am winding down on my obcession though. I have read the books like 4 times in a row over a like 2 weeks. I wonder if she will ever finsih Midnight Sun...Hmm...

The United States of Tara is an awesome show. Mom decided to get showtime, I had to call though. For some reason.

I gotta get going, Rescue Me is on.

i love my uncle joebee

Couldn't retrieve chat history

6:01amJoseph

Hi Y

6:01amAmy

hi uncle joebee

6:02amJoseph

How are You?

6:02amAmy

a little down. trying to get better. didn't sleep very well onnly got 4 hours of sleep. how are you and grams doing?

6:04amJoseph

Grams is great recovering from her dialysis opperation yesterday me Aunt Lynn and My friend Vinzanna were there

6:04amAmy

is she in the hospital or did she get to come home?

6:04amJoseph

Vinzanna is terrific she's on my Facebook friends look her up

Mom is home and doing fine

6:05amAmy

i will do that.

6:05amJoseph

I came home the other day and Gram was cleaning behind the fridge!

6:05amAmy

i was just looking through your pics actually. i like older family pic. i commented on a few of them :D

hehe. sounds like grams.

6:05amJoseph

Yes i know!

Haw does a 98 pound lady move a 300 pound Fridge? LOL

6:06amAmy

hahaha. i have no idea but i wouldn't put anything past grams

6:07amJoseph

After the op she was outside cleaning the flower bed

I told that "NUT" to get inside!

Stop by and see her today you know it'll bnrighten her day!

6:08amAmy

i feel bad for not being able to go to spaghetti night. i don't like being depressed around grams, i don't want her to worry and i feel bad....i don't know its hard to explain what i feel exactly. i am going to try and stop by this week, hoping i feel better

hahaha. cleaning the flower bed. oh man.

6:09amJoseph

Well you be HAPPY! and you can call anytime

6:09amAmy

that's even better, i will try to stop by today

thanks uncle joebee. i will try to be happy

6:10amJoseph

Vinzanna has a small son and I gave him some bb cards and a binder the thank you note is from him!

Notice how he spelt from "frum""

6:11amAmy

awws. i read it and thought it was cute. yeah i did notice that. lol

6:11amJoseph

Vinzanna is Italian and goes by Vinnie Lynn even thought she was great

Of course Vinnie loved Gramms!

6:12amAmy

pfft. who doesn't love grams?

6:12amJoseph

Satan! LOL

6:12amAmy

hehe

6:13amJoseph

Spaghetti Night isn't the same get well Y!

6:13amAmy

i am trying.

6:13amJoseph

me and Grams will help!

you know that!

The power of spaghetti is awesome!

6:13amAmy

i will try to make it next week, and i will try and stop by and see grams today. i miss you both

6:14amJoseph

And slurpees!

6:14amAmy

of course slurpees

6:14amJoseph

I have some cards to sort

6:14amAmy

yay! i haven't done that in a while

6:15amJoseph

this years heritage set is patterened after the 1960 set the year Me and Vinnie were born

A good year1 LOL

6:16amAmy

i am trying to remember what the border looks like for that year. hmm...

6:16amJoseph

I'll have to buy some more dont have too many yet

6:16amAmy

thats one of the things i liked to do in the basement. i liked to look at the cards that were in the front of the binder

6:16amJoseph

they were sideways and had two pictures the last year they ever did tyhat

6:17amAmy

ah

6:17amJoseph

Gotta go soon works getting a little scary

layoffs

6:18amAmy

jaymie looks like she is going to be here for another week or two. the army doesn't seem to know what they are doing at times

6:18amJoseph

they took Fred didn't thay? LOL

6:18amAmy

that really sucks. i hope you get to keep your job

hehe

6:19amJoseph

Be happy Y and come see grms!

6:19amAmy

i will try

have a good day at work uncle joebee

6:20amJoseph

Good I haveta go you have a great day too and remember I always think of you!

6:21amJoseph

Have some Oreo's they always make me feel better when I'm down!

6:21amAmy

hehe i will see if we have any

6:21amJoseph

Duble stuff!

6:21amAmy

those are the best

6:21amJoseph

Bye now!

6:21amAmy

woo hoo