I was hoping I was getting better.

I'm sitting here, listening to music and wondering what happened. I have been sad for so long that when I was happy I didn't even know what to do. I have been having such a hard time I have been falling back onto bad habits. I am glad that not a lot of people know about this so I can say what I want and not feel self conscious about it. I talked to my case manager today and we figured out that I have seasonal depression and I have no idea what to do about it. I was in there almost an hour and I couldn't think of one thing to make it any better. So many things have fallen off with me. I can't seem to keep anything straight or clean and my hygiene is even suffering. I hate that. I was doing so well that I can't help but think of this as a disappointment, but when I try to talk to people about it all they can say is that I was doing well and I will get there again. I have to experience this all though. I have to experience my disappointments and feel what I need to feel about them. I'm listening to the same songs over and over again. There is something comforting about all of that. I have no clue why. I am so worried about school because I am almost falling behind. There are things I haven't even done yet and depression is only so much to blame. I don't know what to do. I seem to always be at a loss of what I should do, it's so frustrating not having any idea on how to fix myself. I always feel so broken on the inside and have no idea how to put myself back together again. I am so emotional. I have been taking my meds and thats usually where the problems stem from but I have been on them so I don't think it could be that. I usually have problems not taking anything but I did this time, unlike other falls in the past. This seems to happen to me every year or so around the same time. I haven't even done my homework for the week. I am so behind. I just need to go to sleep or something. try to write again soon. I forget this exists most of the time...