fuck me.

Do I ever do anything that makes sense? Do I even know anything? I keep thinking I am so sure of everything and I always end up wrong. Thought I was bi, then straight then bi again then gay and now bi? WTF is wrong with me? I am always behind and I work harder for other people than I allow to do for myself. All I want is happiness and when I think I have that I fuck it up somehow. My life is coming together and falling apart all at once. Am I just making all my same mistakes over and over and over again and expecting something different? as the true defination of insnity. I am just lost and confused because I don't know where to go and I feel stuck in quicksand. I was doing well for almost a year and what fucked it up? A relationship or two. I thought I knew what I was getting into, but I didn't. I almost got engaged to a girl I had seen once and felt a connection to, but I backed out and I had my reasons for it but then I find someone I really connect with and I don't know....I just don't know. All of the things that happen in situations like this have happened. I let everything fall apart in my room, I walk around constantly disheveled. I don't remember that last time I did some things like brush my teeth for instance. I try more now than I did when I was feeling better and sometimes I don't even get any positive results. I am so sad sometimes and I don't get anyone who seems to understand. I hate this not knowing what to do and that every day I am more lost than the day before. I want to be able to get dressed more than just to see people. I mostly kick back in pjs all day. But that can go for days on end. I wanna be a writer and I can't even stand on my feet. I can't even write most of the time! I just want to crawl in a hole. Why am I faced with so much? Why can't I see reason? Why is reason insanity to me? Fuck fuck fuck fuck me. I HATE EVERYTHING. I can't even pick up the phone to schedule my next therapy appointment. I don't ever know how to fix me. I can try and fix everyone but myself. I don't even feel worth fixing.